Stop Benching Yourself:
Get Out of Your Own Way and Step Into Your Potential
Have you ever had a dream, an idea, or a deep desire to step into something new – only to talk yourself out of it before even trying?
Maybe it sounded like:
“I’m too old to start over.”
“I don’t have enough qualifications.”
“I can’t take that risk—what if I fail?”
“I should be grateful for what I have, not ask for more.”
These thoughts may seem logical, but in reality, they’re forms of self-benching – keeping yourself on the sidelines, playing small, and denying yourself the experiences, growth, and success you truly desire.
The truth? You are often the only thing standing between you and the future you want.
We’ll explore how self-sabotage keeps women stuck, how it affects us energetically, and how to break free so you can stop benching yourself and start stepping into your full power.
What Does It Mean to Bench Yourself?
In sports, a player sits on the bench when they’re not in the game. They might be waiting for their turn, avoiding risk, or feeling like they’re not good enough to play.
In life, we bench ourselves when we:
Doubt our worth and hesitate to go after what we want.
Procrastinate on goals out of fear of failure.
Avoid risk and visibility, choosing comfort over growth.
Minimize our dreams because we think they’re unrealistic.
The biggest irony? We are both the coach and the player. We are the ones saying, “You’re not ready yet – stay on the bench.”
But what if that’s just a lie?
What if you are more than ready, and you’ve just been conditioned to believe otherwise?
How Self-Benching Affects You Energetically
Every thought you have carries energy. When you repeatedly tell yourself, “I can’t,” “I’m not ready,” “I don’t deserve this,” you create energetic blocks that stop abundance, success, and growth from flowing into your life.
1. Low Vibrational States (Fear, Doubt, and Stagnation)
When we bench ourselves, we get stuck in low vibrational emotions:
💢 Fear
💢 Self-doubt
💢 Guilt
💢 Shame
💢 Unworthiness
These emotions contract your energy field, making it harder for new opportunities, insights, and abundance to flow into your life. Instead of expansion and possibility, you feel stuck, exhausted, and uninspired.
2. Stagnant Energy in the Body
Your body stores emotions and beliefs energetically. When you continuously say no to yourself, your body responds by:
Creating tension and heaviness (especially in the shoulders, chest, and gut).
Lowering your motivation and vitality (you feel drained before you even start).
Keeping you in a fight-or-flight response, making everything feel harder than it is.
This is why people who constantly doubt themselves often experience fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, or even physical pain. The energy of self-rejection gets stuck in your system, making it harder to move forward.
3. Blocks in Your Manifestation Power
When you continuously say no to yourself, you signal to the Universe:
“I don’t believe I am worthy of this.”
Since energy attracts like energy, the Universe responds by giving you more of what you believe—missed opportunities, closed doors, and reinforcing evidence that your fears were right.
On the flip side, when you say yes to yourself, your energy shifts, and new pathways open up. Synchronicities appear, confidence grows, and success becomes inevitable.
Ways Women Bench Themselves – and How to Stop
Let’s explore some example scenarios where women can unconsciously hold themselves back, and how to shift energetically and practically into a more empowered state.
“I’m Too Old to Start Something New”
Lisa, 47, has been in the same corporate job for over 20 years. She’s comfortable but unfulfilled. She dreams of starting a consultancy but tells herself:
“I’m too old. Younger people are already doing this better than I ever could.“
Energetic Block:
This belief creates stagnation and fear, keeping Lisa stuck in comfort zone energy – safe, predictable, but uninspiring.
Energy Shift:
Lisa needs to tap into the frequency of reinvention. Instead of thinking, “I’m too old,” she could shift to:
✨ “I am experienced, wise, and have so much to offer. My experience makes me unique.“
“I Can’t Apply for That Leadership Role – I’m Not Qualified Enough”
Michelle, 42, wants a promotion but convinces herself:
“I don’t have enough qualifications. What if they laugh at me?”
Energetic Block:
This belief shrinks her energetic field, reinforcing feelings of unworthiness.
Energy Shift:
Michelle practices embodied confidence – standing tall, breathing deeply, and affirming:
✨ “I am more than qualified. My energy and leadership skills speak for themselves.“
She applies for the role before she feels 100% ready – because confidence grows through action.
“I Feel Guilty for Wanting More”
Samantha, 45, is a mother who dreams of launching a side business but tells herself:
“I should be focusing on my kids, not my own ambitions.“
Energetic Block:
This belief creates guilt-based energy, lowering her ability to manifest success.
Energy Shift:
Samantha reprograms this by affirming:
✨ “My success benefits my family. The more fulfilled I am, the more I have to give.“
She schedules one small step toward her business each week—without guilt.
“What If I Fail?”
Natalie, 46, dreams of writing a book but tells herself:
“What if I fail? What if no one reads it?“
Energetic Block:
This belief traps her in a low-frequency fear state—where creativity cannot flow.
Energy Shift:
Natalie rewires this with:
✨ “Failure is just feedback. I am here to express, not impress.”
She writes one imperfect page a day, knowing that progress is success.
“People Will Judge Me If I Put Myself Out There”
Rebecca, 43, wants to start a podcast but fears judgment.
Energetic Block:
She’s stuck in fear of visibility, which contracts her aura and repels opportunities.
Energy Shift:
Rebecca visualizes herself already being successful and celebrated, shifting into:
✨ “My voice matters. The right people will resonate with my message.“
She records one episode imperfectly and hits publish.
How to Shift Energetically When You’re Stuck
When self-doubt creeps in, it can feel like an invisible wall blocking you from taking action. But that wall is not real – it’s simply unprocessed energy, emotions, and conditioned beliefs keeping you in a loop of hesitation.
The good news? You can shift this energy. And when you do, you create momentum, attract new opportunities, and reclaim your personal power.
Here’s a deeper breakdown of how to shift energetically and practically when you feel stuck.
1. Catch the Thought – Is This Fear or Truth?
The first step is awareness. The moment you hear yourself thinking:
“I can’t do this.“
“I’m not ready.“
“What if I fail?“
Pause.
Instead of automatically accepting this thought as truth, question it.
Is this fear speaking, or is this fact?
Is this thought protecting me, or limiting me?
Would I say this to a friend in the same situation?
Energetic Shift:
Imagine that thought as a cloud passing by, rather than a permanent truth.
Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” shift it to:✨ “Right now, I feel fear, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do it.”
You are not your thoughts. You can choose which ones to believe.
2. Shift the Energy – Breathe Deeply, Stand Tall, Move Your Body
Energy is stored in the body, not just the mind. When we feel stuck, it’s often because our energy has become stagnant.
Physical movement is one of the fastest ways to release fear and self-doubt.
Ways to Shift Energy Quickly:
Breathe deeply – Take three deep belly breaths to calm your nervous system.
Stand tall – Roll your shoulders back, lift your chest, and adopt a power stance.
Move your body – Shake out your arms, stretch, take a walk, or dance for one song.
Energetic Shift:
When your posture, breath, and movement change, your thoughts follow.
Instead of being in a collapsed state of fear, your body shifts into an open, confident state, making it easier to take action.
✨ “I breathe in confidence. I exhale doubt.“
3. Reprogram the Story – Replace Limiting Thoughts with Powerful Affirmations
Our beliefs shape our reality. If you’ve been telling yourself the same limiting story for years, it’s time to rewrite it.
Instead of:
❌ “I’m not ready.” → Try: ✨ “Every expert once started as a beginner.”
❌ “I don’t know enough.” → Try: ✨ “I can learn as I go.”
❌ “What if I fail?” → Try: ✨ “What if I succeed beyond my wildest dreams?”
How to Rewire Your Mind Faster:
Write down the negative belief and challenge it with a new one.
Speak positive affirmations aloud every morning, embody the feeling.
Place reminders of empowering beliefs where you’ll see them daily (mirror, phone wallpaper, journal).
Energetic Shift:
When you repeat a new belief, your brain starts forming new neural pathways. Over time, these empowering thoughts become automatic, and doubt loses its grip.
✨ “I trust myself. I am capable. I am ready.“
4. Take Action Before You Feel Ready – Confidence is Built Through Doing, Not Waiting
Most people wait to feel confident before taking action. But confidence doesn’t come before action—it comes because of action.
If you’re waiting for a moment where fear disappears completely, you’ll be waiting forever.
The 5-Second Rule:
When self-doubt kicks in, use Mel Robbins’ practice: count 5-4-3-2-1—and just start.
Thinking of making a post? Open the app and type one sentence.
Want to apply for a job? Click “apply” and start filling it in.
Considering starting a business? Research one small step today.
Energetic Shift:
Taking action sends a signal to your subconscious mind that you are capable. Even small steps break the fear loop and generate momentum.
✨ “Action creates clarity. I take the first step now.”
5. Visualize Success – Close Your Eyes and See Yourself Thriving
Your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between reality and imagination. That’s why visualization is so powerful—your brain begins to believe what it sees.
How to Use Visualization:
Close your eyes.
Imagine your future self who has already achieved your goal.
See what she’s wearing, how she feels, how she carries herself.
Feel the joy, excitement, and fulfillment of living that reality.
Even just 2 minutes a day of visualization shifts your energy and primes your brain to take action. Make this a routine as you drift off to sleep!
Energetic Shift:
When you see yourself succeeding, your energy aligns with that version of you. Opportunities, ideas, and motivation start flowing effortlessly.
✨ “I am already becoming the person I want to be.“
Energy Moves Before Action Does
If you feel stuck, remember: it’s not because you aren’t capable – it’s because your energy is blocked.
Shifting your energy shifts your reality.
So the next time you feel doubt creeping in:
1. Pause and question the thought.
2. Move your body and breathe deeply.
3. Reprogram your beliefs with powerful affirmations.
4. Take one small action before you feel ready.
5. Visualize your success and step into that energy.
You Are the Only One Who Can Say No to Yourself
If you’ve been waiting for permission to go after what you want—this is it.
It’s time to get off the bench. The game is waiting.
Are you ready? Because your future is.